Baby Steps

Updated: Aug 5, 2019

Hey y’all!! I hope you’re having a great week! Can you believe July is ending already?! I feel like the year just started! Is it just me or are the years going by faster than they did when we were kids? Now that I actually want time to slow down; it’s racing on by! Not fair at all! LOL! Last week was a rough week. I feel so accomplished, like I can take on the world but still have so many moments of doubting myself and my ability. After a weekend with one of my oldest friends I realized the doubt isn’t always intrinsic. Especially for my age group; mid-twenties, the pressure to do amazing things or be ground breaking, or to already have everything figured out, is immense. Parents will tell you all they want is for you to follow your heart and do what’s right for you, but then doing those things somehow still makes them balk. “Hello, remember when you were like, live your life for yourself and be happy.” Yeah I remember that, I took it very much to heart. And now I’m living my life the way I want. Making soaps, building a daycare, buying a home, loving the man of my dreams. These things make me happy. I fully acknowledge that my parents have a different dream for how my life would be but plans change. And when it comes to planning a path for an entire human being with their own thoughts, feelings, plans, and shortcomings, you can damn well expect that it will not always go the way you hoped. Am I happy though? Am I loved? Am I being supported in my ventures? I am building the life I have envisioned for myself and my future family, and I want that to be enough. I want my past mistakes to not be flung in face because you disagree with my decisions now. I am so eager to have children and be a mother, to be a parent with my love. I can’t wait to see what my kids will do, who they’ll love, what will set that fire under them. As someone with no children who is surrounded by children, I’ve learned that before I have kids I need to let go of my expectations for my children. Sure, I want the best for my children, and that’s why I’m so hell bent on building my empire now. I want them to have the options to do whatever they decide is worth dedicating their lives to. I don’t want my children to be afraid of living out loud because of how their parents might react to their lifestyle choices. Really what I want is to live my life and not worry about how my family reacts to the choices I make. But here we are, its 2019, I’m 25 years old, and my mother comes over to lecture me on the (educated) choices I’ve made, and the battles I don’t choose to fight. I love her and appreciate her, I wouldn’t be where I am today without her many sacrifices, but does that mean I am beholden to live my life within HER parameters and HER moral code?

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